In the wake of a third unsuccessful petition effort to get a “Protect Our Parks” initiative on the ballot, local group Concerned Citizens for Mercer Island Parks (CCMIP) has hired a new spokesperson.
The spokesperson, Loren Axelrod, known to “speak for the trees, for the trees have no tongues”, is a passionate advocate of parkland with a decades-long record of environmental activism. He is the subject of a best-selling memoir and a 2012 feature-length documentary.
“We’ve tried to do everything possible to protect the undeveloped areas of Mercer Island from the rapacious clutches of the non-profit arts community,” said CCMIP President Erin Four-O’Four. “We’ve made a website, produced television commercials, placed two different kinds of signs all over the island, even written our own original folk song, but nothing has worked yet. So we figure our next step is to bring in a high-profile celebrity to advocate for our cause. Sean Penn wasn’t interested, so we got the next best guy.”
Opponents of the initiative are pleased with the community response. “Now that Mercer Island voters have agreed that local parks aren’t worth protecting, we’re ready to move forward,” said Massively Insidious Cabal of Artists (MICA) President G. Gordon Onceler. “As soon as we’re done with Mercerdale Park, we can proceed with our plan to construct low-income housing and a ten-story parking structure in Luther Burbank Park. And finally build that long-awaited golf course in Pioneer Park.”
With this latest petition drive over, most Mercer Islanders are eager to put the issue behind them. The prevailing sentiment was expressed this way by one Islander: “I’d trade all of the parks on Mercer Island for my own private lane on I-90.”