Mercerdale Park Occupation Leads To Closure Of Local Streets

Police installed barricades on SE 32nd St on Sunday to protect Island residents from the mob of off-Island thugs.

City officials were forced to close off two streets in the Mercer Island town center on Sunday after a group of rowdy off-Island thugs occupied two streets adjacent to Mercerdale Park.

The group, which refers to itself as “The Farmers” and promotes a radical “edible food” agenda, occupied the portions SE 32nd St and 77th Ave SE closest to Mercerdale Park. Hundreds of unsuspecting Island residents were lured to the area by the smell of pizza and tamales; once trapped, they were induced to provide money in exchange for goods and services.

Local concerned citizens summoned police, who installed barricades to prevent further entrapment of Island residents by the outsiders.

While much about the nefarious organization behind the occupation is shrouded in mystery, an intrepid Distorter researcher was able to locate its plans at a secret online location.

City officials claimed that they were powerless to prevent the takeover. “We tried to stop them,” cried one unnamed city council member, “but their berries were so delicious.”

A local concerned citizen group complained that this occupation is a portent of a future of uncontrolled growth in the town center. Said spokesperson Ronald Grump: “What you saw today was big crowds, obstructed traffic, and severe parking shortages. This is exactly the kind of nightmare we need to avoid on Mercer Island at all costs.”

For their part, the organization behind the occupation is undeterred by the threats of reprisal. Said their representative: “We will occupy Mercer Island every Sunday this summer until we achieve our goals. And once more right before Thanksgiving.”