Concerned Citizen Proposes Banning Off-Island Cyclists

A local concerned citizen has proposed restricting the Mercer Island bicycle loop to Island residents only.

In reaction to last weekend’s sunny weather bringing large numbers of cyclists to West and East Mercer Way, a long-time Island resident has petitioned the Mercer Island Police Department to ban off-Island cyclists from the Mercer Island Loop, saying that allowing them to use our roads constitutes, “a clear and present danger.”

“In these uncertain times, we must take extraordinary steps to defend our special community,” says a letter written to the MIPD by concerned citizen C. Ken Little that he also posted to Nextdoor, “I implore you to deploy blockades to protect Mercer Island from the hordes of cyclists from Seattle, Bellevue, and beyond.”

While Little’s proposal provoked a strong reaction and even some Islanders consider it extreme, he maintains that it is a moderate compromise.

“I originally suggested banning all off-Island residents from Mercer Island,” said Little. “But then my wife pointed out I’d have to mow my own lawn.”

Asked if his urgent advocacy of these measures was spurred by the global coronavirus pandemic, Little responded, “What’s a coronavirus?”

In related news, the Mercer Island City Council is considering a measure to increasing the minimum social distance on Mercer Island to ten feet, stating that six feet of distance is “uncomfortably intimate” for most Island residents.