School Year Start At Risk Pending District Investigation
Mercer Island School District officials are scrambling to prepare for next week’s official start of the school year in response of the recent discovery of dihydrogen monoxide in the plumbing systems of the city’s public schools. MISD Superintendent Harry Drano announced Monday that all school buildings will be closed until further notice while public health officials and specially trained school district staff perform safety inspections and any associated repairs.
“Our top priority is the safety of our students and their parents. Oh, and also the teachers and staff,” said Drano, “Until we understand the cause of this infestation and resolve it, we are proceeding with an abundance of caution.”
Dihydrogen monoxide, or DHMO, is a colorless and odorless chemical compound sometimes referred to as “the silent killer.” According to the Dihydrogen Monoxide Research Division, “[DHMO] is a known causative component in many thousands of deaths and is a major contributor to millions upon millions of dollars in damage to property and the environment.” Like its chemical cousin carbon monoxide, inhalation of even small amounts of DHMO can be fatal to humans. DHMO has also been linked to the E. coli outbreak that occurred on Mercer Island in September 2014.
DHMO was first detected when city officials were signing off on the final occupancy permits for the new Northwood Elementary School. While its presence was originally thought to be a by-product of the construction process, subsequent inspections revealed the presence of DHMO within all MISD school buildings.
Occurrences of DHMO in public schools are quite common, notes Mercer Island resident Sal Minella, a professor in the University of Washington School of Public Health. “While my research shows that an astonishing 83% of all public school students in the United States are exposed to DHMO on a daily basis,” said Minella, “I believe this number actually understates the problem due to the lack of qualified DHMO inspectors in less affluent areas. For example, Flint, Michigan.”
While criticism of the school district over this news has been rampant in discussions on Nextdoor.com, an unnamed school board director defended the district, saying that “recent events are just a minor setback in light of the district’s successful effort to eliminate all traces of DHMO from food served in the school cafeterias.”
Minella advises that if you or your child are exposed to more than a trace amount of DHMO, you should immediately call the DHMO Control Center at 1-800-DASANI.