New Island Business Sells “Food”

New Seasons Market, purveyor of "food".

A retailer that opened a branch on Mercer Island earlier this month specializes in selling “food”, a line of products not previously available for sale on the island.

“We think that [Mercer Island] is finally ready for the introduction of ‘food’,” said Ole McDonald, general manager of the Mercer Island branch of New Seasons Market. “It has proven quite popular in other cities with similar demographics.”

“Food” is an edible source of nutrients and energy that is consumed by people in many parts of the world. It is commonly produced in rural communities by installations known as “farms”, “orchards”, and “ranches”, where it is shaped into proto-edible form by human hands. Historical records show that early Americans used “food”; however, it was replaced in the American diet during the late twentieth century by Mechanically Extruded Nutrient Containing High Intensity Edibles (MENCHIEs) such as pizza, frozen yogurt, and energy drinks, which are produced in laboratories and factories located alongside the New Jersey Turnpike. While some nutritionists claim health benefits for “food”, the latest scientific research is inconclusive.

Until now, consumption of “food” has been rare on Mercer Island, the practice typically limited to survivalists, aging hippies, and certain religious groups. However, the “food” trend is exploding in affluent Seattle neighborhoods, and experts believe that it is just a matter of time before “food” is widely available on the Eastside.

If initial reports are any indication, “food” is likely to grow in popularity on Mercer Island. “Before New Seasons got here, I was happy to eat whatever they served at local grocery stores and restaurants,” said Island resident Sal Minella, “but now that I’ve tried ‘food’, I may want to eat it every day.”