With Old Man Winter headed our way, EarthCorps will be conducting its annual MILF removal effort at Pioneer Park this weekend, under the supervision of the Mercer Island Parks & Recreation Department.
“The plethora of natural open spaces here is a major part of what makes Mercer Island such a desirable place to live,” said Deputy Mayor Don Grouch. “MILF removal is just one of the many projects that our Parks & Recreation Department undertakes regularly to ensure that our parks remain sustainable and enjoyable for the entire community.”
While the constant presence of MILF in Pioneer Park has led many Island residents to believe that they are part of the natural habitat, environmental experts say that MILF are not native to the park and are officially classified as an invasive species. MILF are attracted to Pioneer Park by its location near a major city and its proximity to schools, shopping, and Pilates studios. MILF themselves are not harmful to the park’s natural flora and fauna, but they host toxic substances such as devices that emit electromagnetic radiation and liquids containing caffeine and lactose. They are also known to attract large populations of off-leash dogs to the park. High MILF concentrations can cause old-growth trees to develop Lycra poisoning.
While winter is not the prime season for MILF sightings in Pioneer Park, city officials say that it’s critical to get their population under control prior to the spring growth season. Long-time Island residents remember the unfortunate incident at the South Mercer Starbucks in May 2011, when a MILF pod left the park and attacked a pack of cougars who were stalking members of the Mercer Island High School Boys Water Polo Team during their car wash fundraiser.
Parks Department employees advise that if you encounter a MILF while walking in Pioneer Park, you should back away and not attempt to approach it directly. If a MILF approaches you, the safest response is to emulate its behavior by extending your arms to your sides and yelling, “Hiiiii!”