The Washington State Department of Transportation announced that I-90 between Bellevue and Seattle will be closed in both directions this weekend “for absolutely no f***ing reason.”
Reached for comment, WSDOT spokesperson Christie Christopher confirmed the plan. “Yeah, we’re totally screwing with you. There’s absolutely no need to close the bridge this weekend. We aren’t going to be doing any construction or maintenance work. We’re just sick and f***ing tired of hearing from you whiny, selfish pricks on Mercer Island, so we’re going to remind you who’s really running the show around here.”
The lane closures will start at 9 PM on Friday night and end at 5 AM on Monday morning. Or maybe 8 AM if Murray the Shiv forgets to set his alarm clock.
Asked to whom Mercer Islanders could complain about this completely unnecessary closure, Christopher responded, “Talk to the frickin’ hand.”
Overtime costs for the Washington State Patrol to monitor I-90 during the closure are estimated at $17,500. WSDOT will bill the City of Mercer Island to cover these costs.