While most Mercer Island residents were pleased to learn that the latest official analysis shows no elevated levels of lead in the city’s water supply, one organization of Islanders is complaining that the tests also indicate historically low levels of Chardonnay.
Blanche Pleurnichard, president of Concerned Citizens for White Wine, said that Island moms have come to expect Chardonnay-laced water as essential to coping with the pressures of working full-time, raising high-achieving children, meeting Island expectations of physical appearance, and training their rambunctious Labradoodle puppies. “If [the city] can add fluoride to the water to preserve our teeth, they can add Chardonnay to the water to preserve our sanity.”
Said one mother of twins: “After spending the day dealing with my pain-in-the-ass clients and driving my kids’ carpools, the last thing I want to come home to is plain water on tap.”
City spokesperson Ernie Gallo responded that it was a simple matter of economics: “If we could just pick up some bulk boxes of the stuff at Costco and dump them in the reservoir, we’d be fine. But Mercer Islanders have their standards. They won’t accept any additives in their water with a Wine Spectator rating less than 90.”
Island dads were unavailable for comment, as they were headed out the door to the Roanoke Inn.