Islanders Flock To Local Parks To Experience Plunging Temperatures, Near Darkness

A rare astronomical phenomenon this week enabled Islanders to experience cold and darkness that normally occur only during the entire months of November through March.

Island residents flocked to local parks Monday morning to experience several minutes of plunging temperatures and near darkness, a meteorological phenomenon so rare that is hasn’t occurred on Mercer Island since March 2017.

“It hasn’t been this cold and dark here during the day for at least four, maybe five, months,” said Island hematologist Vlad D. Impala. “I couldn’t wait to relive the sensations of early spring in the Pacific Northwest.”

Hundreds of intrepid Islanders were so committed to enduring the lack of warmth and light that they drove hundreds of miles and faced hours of traffic in central Oregon to experience two minutes of total darkness, something they will soon be able to undergo for twelve to sixteen hours a day simply by staying home and waiting until fall.

“The trip to Oregon was so totally worth it,” said MIHS junior Vida Mindee, “It was the perfect place to lie in the back of my parents’ Escalade and browse the thousands of photos of the moon that my peeps were posting on Snapchat and Instagram.”

Now that this astronomical event is over, Islanders are looking back wistfully on the recent breaks from reality. Said one: “First it was the smoky haze, then it was the solar eclipse. For two glorious weeks we were able to look out our windows at Lake Washington and not see I-90.”